The whispering game

It is my belief that we make our own destiny, blessings, coincidence, luck or whatever you choose to call it. We are open to recieve the very moment we start searching for it. You can sometimes precieve it as a chapter, perfectly written just for you. This has been the case as of lately for me. The title of this chapter? Gossip. 

It came to me at work. Someone said something shocking to me about someone else that I never would have guessed and I was at first interested, but refrained from asking anything, just saying "nevermind, let it go". Some started talking badly of someone when they were upset to the point they were painting up a bad picture of this person, which wasn't of course true. This image they were giving was something fuled by their own incapability of actually dealing with the issue. This made me wonder. Are the people here talking about me too? What are they saying?

As these gears were turning I found a poem about gossip in one of my yoga books, then came song after song after song and finally the three monkeys' meditation which was introduced to me at the daoistic yoga class one morning. I think you've seen the monkeys before: One with covered eyes, one with covered ears and one with covered mouth representing see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

Me and two other monkeys!

Anywhere you go you can find gossip. Some find it's fun to talk (because they're bored or boring?) to made verbal charicatures and have a laugh on someone else or spread details that sound like yummy little secrets. Sometimes it's done to intentionally harm others reputation, to bring down, to make someone smaller. Other times it's just "for fun". Even media is all about that trash talk, shaming and connecting the dots completely wrong. 

It's easy to get caught up in the gossip machine and it's fine to talk about others, but chose your words wisely. Everyone remembers the whispering game, right? It teaches us an important lesson already in kindergarden: one says one thing, passes it on and as it moves from mouth to mouth there is always a risk of misinterpretation, exaggeration and sometimes just wild guessing. That's probably how someone in someone could end up a lesbian drug using fart sniffing Jehovas witness and a necrophiliac worshipper of the devil... all at once. WHAT? That's just some things I heard about me once. If people know anything about anything it's that being a Jehovas witness (which my father is, not me) would rule out drug use, homosexuality, any form of worship other than that of the guy in the sky and most definately there would be no necrophiliac business going down. As for fart sniffing... haha you people are gross for just thinking that. What, because my name rhymes with the swedish word for fart? Lovisafisa. Well that's clever and original of you.

We can't stop everyone from talking, that's just what some do. What we can do however is to not help turn the rumor mill by showing ZERO TOLERANCE. Don't shut up or show any signs of agreement, but instead wake them up to the fact that gossip is bad news and something that you're not supporting. Help them realize what they're doing. Real friends appreciate your honesty and you can be yourself around them. Your common interests should be based on other things than downgrading others. If you're afraid they'll start talking about you then that's just a sign they're not true friends, eh? 

Here's things you can say when you end up in a "rumour room":

- What's the purpose of this talk? 

- I'd rather form my own opinion in the matter, thank you very much.

- Why don't you bring it up with the person in question if it's bothering you so much? 

- I would never say anything about someone that I couldn't say to their face.

- Is this true? How do you know it is? Why is this important to you? 

Going back to the three monkeys, seeing, hearing and speaking no evil is not about IGNORING or pretending that there is nothing going on. On the contrary. It's about being aware that there are preconcieved notions, misunderstandings and bad intentions rooted from the seeds of pain, ignorance or fear. It's about being true to yourself, trusting your own ability to decide what's going on, not based on the everyday small talk.

Some songs on the theme for a possible future youtube playlist. 

Son house - Grinnin' in your face
Rudimental - Rumour Mill feat. Anne-Marie & Will Heard

Janelle Monae - Tightrope

Taylor Swift - Shake it off 

What brings you up and out of the mindless talk? Let me know if there are any songs that you would like to see on the list. Cheers!

Live like you learn

It had been a while since I was last faced with a design related task. Design has always been like lover to me. The incredible passion that fills you with fun ideas and you just want to spend time together. Unfortunately we've kind of lost echother. It had become too destructive. I was giving, but not getting anything back, or rather, giving all I got to the point there was none of me left for me. Then yesterday we met again through the design application for Broby Grafiska which was due today. At once I remembered why I fell for design and why we fell apart. When you get stuck in a destructive relationship there are three different ways you can go:

1. You can go down with the ship.

2. You can leave the ship and either swim for your life or hold onto something else as you watch it sink before your eyes.

3. You can row it ashore and make it better then try again.

And if you can't decide which way to go 

then you can always go for the classic rock, paper, scissors....

(this picture is a detail from the application)

Since I've put a lot of work into this design passion, I'm not willing to let her sink. I'll have the number 3, please!

Since stress is commonly based on our way of handling different situations (or rather failing to do so) I assume I need to change my relationship toward design. If I look at what happens with me when I work with design it's pretty much the opposite of the outcome of yoga. The breath quickens and becomes shallow as if I had ran a marathon, the posture becomes slouchy and hopeless or locked into unnatural unbalanced tense positions for a long time. The perspective tends to change aswell. My own value goes down as the urgency to accomplish greatness goes up. This makes it easy to forget or ignore oneself and ones needs. You "don't have time" for breaks, although deep down you know you work better if you take them. 

The common denominators that can be found in yoga and working with design are that they are both about finding focus to be able to reflect, create, develop and perfect. To reach a higher place. Exceed imagination. Yet, the result for me are worlds apart, atleast when it comes to wellness.

The universe has it's way of bringing us exactly what we need. Although I managed the assignment I still failed myself. Just barely making the deadline, stressed, hungry, worn and still not satisfied with my performance. There were three ways I could look upon it. The same as above. So I decided to row it ashore and make it better... Remember how I said I wish I could bring what I feel on the yoga mat with me as I do other things? Here's some of the best of yoga that I wish to apply on my relationship to the design process:

THE MINDSET - EVERYTHING IS TRAINING

In yoga you're not demanding immediate perfection. Partially because you know it can always get better and because you know you're just a student in training. With this attitude you can be more patient with yourself and give it more time to strive upwards. You'll feel satisfied knowing that you're just doing you're best. 

THE STRATEGY - WISE TIME USE

Yoga is practised in sessions, gradually and smoothly working to reach your goal. The practise is daily and vary from being short reminders of mindfulness to one hour or longer sessions. Limiting your focus time ensures that you're not wearing yourself out, even though you take the time to challenge yourself. 

ONE MORE THING: DO WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DO IT

This is kind of a mantra for me. Yoga when you yoga. Find your space, piece of mind. Quiet as possible, or with music if it helps you relax. Everything I do on the yoga mat is yoga or meditation related. Prioritize yoga. No multitasking. No procrastination. No distractions. No excuses. 

The outcome of working with design related tasks, even though I love it, is so different because I've been doing the opposite. It will take a lot of practise. I've spent many hours building these destructive tendencies. You must know it is not a part of you. If you're aware you will notice the roots of your behaviour before you trip on them. 

The winner & perfect mindset.

To succeed one has to have the right set of mind. Just like the Swedish ord "lagom", which means "just right" your perfect mindset is something individual. There are a few things however that I find work for me and if you'd like you can try them and see if it works for you too.

- Staying truly positive. This also means no complaining, although constructive criticism is sometimes in order! Complaining brings your energy down, focusing on negative things and usually making others do it too.

- Eyes on the prize. All the little stupid or painful or hard things that happen throughout the day are just little obstacles or distractions. They're so small it's really nothing. Solve them if you can. Let them go, it's not worth your time or energy. Keep your eyes on the goal at all times!

- Tap into the infinity within. Ok, this one might sound like spiritual humbug to some, but I find that I can achieve and even stretch past my limits if I use an affirmation that "unlocks" my infinite resources. One of my favorite sentances to bring me into the moment and gain immediate strength is

I'm more than human, 

I'm an infinate being of power &

anything is possible.

- Make it a game.  This is the secret I wanted to share yesterday. It won't be a secret anymore, but it's too good to keep for myself. Be the change you want to see in the world, right Mahatma Gandhi?

So you have a challenging task before you. It could be anything from paying bills, to responding to emails or just something quite repetative which for a creative person like me... isn't that motivating. I found a way to love basically doing anything. Let me tell you about yesteday when I tried it out for real...

So as some of you might know I'm working as a "cleaning lady" at a hotel at the moment. It's a tough job because you have to make it look perfect. I can do perfect, I love it, but when time is limited... That's difficult for me. The two previous days of working 5am to 4pm I had been so tired after work I just thought I was going to die on the third, but on the third I decided I was going to win.

What, there's A CLEANING LADY GAME? Yes, in my head. The good thing about visualizing it as a game is that you're kind of stepping out of yourself, taking control, gaining distance towards the tasks and a good overview. I wasn't working. I was playing a game for 11 hours. 

I imagined it like this: This game is of course time based, you have to clean the rooms on a certain ammount of time, most important are the rooms which we are expecting arrival, then the rooms of the staying guests and lastly the departure rooms. Then there are some "bonus levels" which are the spa area, corridors and helping team players on their levels. You unlock the bonus levels by finishing your levels on time or beating your own high score. 

On the side of your screen there are three different bars which are energy, social and mood.

The energy is refilled when you drink water, get positive feedback and eat.

The social is when you interact with the collegues, the boss and the guests.

The mood is when things are going well.

There are more things to do than just clean the rooms. You have to make it look nice. This is when bed making technique, paper folding and arrangement comes in to the picture which allows you to earn style points. Style points are collected at the finish of each room and level when it is overviewed and valued in time, cleanliness and presentation. I always like to gather as much style points as possible, because I find they affect the energy bar as well as the mood. Then the boss comes and gives you a compliment on your speed or room presentation? Then that's more on the social and mood. Style points are also gained when all three bars are aligned at their fullest and when you smile out of joy and gratitude.

It's always a competition with yourself. Only you make the high score. If you want to play and win it's entirely up to you. Me? I'm a winner.
What's your challenge right now? What game would you be playing?

I managed to do more than I thought I could, more than my boss thought I could and beat the high score big time yesterday with two bonus levels.

Also, don't forget to reward yourself. No matter how it goes. It's actually especially important if it's not going so well. Give yourself a break from time to time. You deserve it.

Today is my day off. Ahhhh....