On a day off I highly recommend you to engage in silence.
I've done this a few times now and it's an important experience. The thing with choosing silence is that you practise your discipline, your focus, listening and acceptance, as well as non verbal communication skills. I noticed there are a few stages I usually go through when I go into silence, of course it depends on circumstances and objectives. I often engage in silence when I feel I've accumulated too much negativity to the point it's is spilling out my mouth. To avoid a domino effect of bad vibes and to instead regain control I simply shut up, without shutting myself in. Even though this is a good method of self reflection I recommend one to focus on the surrounding, being present and trying to experience things as they are.
It's important that you if you live with someone let them know before you engage in silence. You don't need a fancy explanation. Wanting to try something is a valid reason.
I live with my father and he was often annoyed in the beginning (and after a few days he got used to it and was almost disappointed when I started talking again haha!) At first he would ask questions frequently expecting a immediate response.
The cool thing about being in a conversation when not verbally communicating is that you will listen more, because you're not focussing on your turn to speak. This might engage the person you're "talking to" to actually open up more. Some of my dad's best stories have been told when I was in silence. Last time he told me
"You know... the gurus and sadhus also go into silence, it is an old technique. Their followers explain to others that come to see the guru that the guru is in Maun Vrat, in silence. So the visitors still come to ask their questions and they will find their answers even though the guru never said a word."
I'm no guru, but I believe there is one in all of us. I also believe in the silence as a method for discovery within and without ourselves. Upon my last time of silence the stages I went through were something like this:
Frustration:
- I have something I want to say!
- It's important!
- I don't know how to answer that without words
- I want to interrupt you
- I don't agree because... ARGH I can't say that without words!
- I just thought of something I think you would like to hear
- Look at me, my eyes want to say something!
You're totally at the mercy of the other one when you're communicating with your eyes and gestures, if it's not physical you need them to look. They will not always look when you "need" them to, meaning they are to a large extent deciding when it's your turn to speak.
Restlessness:
- So...what to do when we don't talk?
- I want to sing
- I want to vent (this is usually code for complaining)
- Do I have to listen to this?
Adjusting:
- Ok, so I don't talk.
This is when thoughts begin to calm down.
Changing pace of thinking and the senseless ranting will quiet down.
Changing communication method exaggerating non verbal expressions.
Engaging in the conversation in a simplified way. This rules out nagging, the unimportant bits because who wants to small talk when it's a hassle just being understood?
Listening more (and noticing more of the other one's non verbal communication)
Long or short silence. It usually happens when the other one's done talking (even the most talkative person will quiet sometime) and we're not filling in with most likely our own opinion or a repetition of what the other one's said in other words... or subject change... which in Sweden eventually ends up in a weather forecast. There will be more silence when you're not talking.
Reflection:
-I know I can't say what I'm thinking, but what would I say if I could?
-How would the other one react? Can I say it in a better way?
-Why do I feel the need to say it?
-Is it important?
Here's where you start to change your automatic responses, because you will not have an immediate reaction anymore.
Gratitude:
Enjoying the conversation more.
Enjoying the silence more.
The most important things can be said without words.
Looking forward to when you can speak again.
Hopefully more aware of how powerful and beautiful words are.
They're a gift that we're constantly giving and recieving.
This happened on an afternoon. It's good to stay in silence for a longer time to really clear your head. Beware of cutting yourself off from the world or getting stuck in negative thought. The best way to do this is to be as present as possible, enjoying the sensations of the body and surroundings. This time I had focus on my breath and the feeling of my feet. I've done up to about four days with different stages and results,
but always ended up in gratitude.
Look again. See the bird? Would you have seen it if I hadn't said it?
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