Ego - Join the FIGHT CLUB?

There are things that can trigger insecurities within us, be they external or internal. I found myself stumbling, not tripping on my shoe laces this time, but struck to inner grounds by faults. Sometimes we look for excuses as to why we should sink so low beneath us. We ought to stand up for our choices instead even when we have wronged. Accept the trespass. Ok. That's all right, we might be wrong. Our faults are not a part of our identity.

For the most part when we feel sorry or guilty it means that we got a conscience (or it is echoes of a past etched into our behaviour). A healthy conscience a beautiful mechanism to make us aware of the path we want to go and warn us when we start to stray from it. The reminders can be painful, but when you fall you have the chance to get up and do things a little differently. You don't stay down for days, weeks or even longer when you trip in the real world to wallow in pity and curse yourself. That's only what we might do in our heads and hearts from time to time. How strange that would be if our physical self would do exactly the same as our mental self. Just imagine... what kind of fight club scenes would become a regular part of our everyday life?

 No fear. No distractions. The ability 

to let all that which does not matter slide. 

So what am I beating myself up about? To not get into a specific situation, I got a nasty greed in my heart... It eats the good things and it always craves more. The thing about greed is you can never satisfy it. Atleast not for long. My greed likes to win, get attention, own and get the sensation of new materialistic belongings. Greed likes to think it needs to be heard all the time. Greed thinks the universe revolves around it. Greed is childish, irrational and a goddamned baby that will tear down everything to get it's attention and toys. We must recognize that this destructive habit is a monster which we can choose to adopt but we can also choose to feed it or not. It's not a cute pet, actually it's more of a parasite of the mind. Manipulative and dangerous as it can disguise itself in our voice repeating the disempowering mantras I, I, I, I, I, and me, me, me, me, me.

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply." - Stephen R Covey (author)

What to do? 
- Notice when the ego and greed is at work. Study it. Take note of what makes it grow.
- When you know what makes it grow try to strangle the source. Either cut down gradually or it off completely. I find Maun Vrat (see earlier post) to be an efficient way of silencing the ego and land in the moment. Of course it can in our society be hard to engage in complete silence but you can choose to try and only say the absolute necessities for a while.
- Meditate on gratitude and the moment.
- Reconnect with your true self. Now you don't have rush off on a quest to know who you are. If you feel you don't know, just know that you are complete in this moment exactly as you are. The basic things are all you really need. Everything else is excess.
- Step out of the self by listening to your surroundings or by keeping your physical or mental training steadily moving forward.
- Discipline is a great tool for mastering the ego. Moderation, self-control and keeping promises and plans. Be honest when you can't follow through. Keep your goals realistic.
- Try to be as humble as you can by admitting your mistakes, practise acceptance, forgivness but above all love.

A time to contemplate.

Photography by Malin Sandhu.

Stop fighting yourself.
Master your mind and you won't have to smack yourself in the face every time to wake up to the actual situation. It is with a gratitude I receive this lesson, although somewhat resisting it at first. I hope that by sharing this I might help fellow souls on their journey.

I might be a bit quiet for a while now. All the best.

Stages of silence - Maun Vrat.

On a day off I highly recommend you to engage in silence. 

I've done this a few times now and it's an important experience. The thing with choosing silence is that you practise your discipline, your focus, listening and acceptance, as well as non verbal communication skills. I noticed there are a few stages I usually go through when I go into silence, of course it depends on circumstances and objectives. I often engage in silence when I feel I've accumulated too much negativity to the point it's is spilling out my mouth. To avoid a domino effect of bad vibes and to instead regain control I simply shut up, without shutting myself in. Even though this is a good method of self reflection I recommend one to focus on the surrounding, being present and trying to experience things as they are. 

It's important that you if you live with someone let them know before you engage in silence. You don't need a fancy explanation. Wanting to try something is a valid reason. 

I live with my father and he was often annoyed in the beginning (and after a few days he got used to it and was almost disappointed when I started talking again haha!) At first he would ask questions frequently expecting a immediate response. 

The cool thing about being in a conversation when not verbally communicating is that you will listen more, because you're not focussing on your turn to speak. This might engage the person you're "talking to" to actually open up more. Some of my dad's best stories have been told when I was in silence. Last time he told me

"You know... the gurus and sadhus also go into silence, it is an old technique. Their followers explain to others that come to see the guru that the guru is in Maun Vrat, in silence. So the visitors still come to ask their questions and they will find their answers even though the guru never said a word."

I'm no guru, but I believe there is one in all of us. I also believe in the silence as a method for discovery within and without ourselves. Upon my last time of silence the stages I went through were something like this: 

Frustration:

- I have something I want to say!

- It's important!

- I don't know how to answer that without words

- I want to interrupt you

- I don't agree because... ARGH I can't say that without words!

- I just thought of something I think you would like to hear

- Look at me, my eyes want to say something! 

You're totally at the mercy of the other one when you're communicating with your eyes and gestures, if it's not physical you need them to look. They will not always look when you "need" them to, meaning they are to a large extent deciding when it's your turn to speak. 

Restlessness:

- So...what to do when we don't talk?

- I want to sing

- I want to vent (this is usually code for complaining)

- Do I have to listen to this?

Adjusting:

- Ok, so I don't talk. 

This is when thoughts begin to calm down. 

Changing pace of thinking and the senseless ranting will quiet down.

Changing communication method exaggerating non verbal expressions.

Engaging in the conversation in a simplified way. This rules out nagging, the unimportant bits because who wants to small talk when it's a hassle just being understood? 

Listening more (and noticing more of the other one's non verbal communication)

Long or short silence. It usually happens when the other one's done talking (even the most talkative person will quiet sometime) and we're not filling in with most likely our own opinion or a repetition of what the other one's said in other words... or subject change... which in Sweden eventually ends up in a weather forecast. There will be more silence when you're not talking.

Reflection: 

-I know I can't say what I'm thinking, but what would I say if I could?

-How would the other one react? Can I say it in a better way?

-Why do I feel the need to say it?

-Is it important?

Here's where you start to change your automatic responses, because you will not have an immediate reaction anymore. 

Gratitude:

Enjoying the conversation more.

Enjoying the silence more.

The most important things can be said without words.

Looking forward to when you can speak again. 

Hopefully more aware of how powerful and beautiful words are. 

They're a gift that we're constantly giving and recieving.

This happened on an afternoon. It's good to stay in silence for a longer time to really clear your head. Beware of cutting yourself off from the world or getting stuck in negative thought. The best way to do this is to be as present as possible, enjoying the sensations of the body and surroundings. This time I had focus on my breath and the feeling of my feet. I've done up to about four days with different stages and results, 

but always ended up in gratitude.

Look again. See the bird? Would you have seen it if I hadn't said it?