Bad at nothing?

So there's not been a word from me in a while. It's not because I'm doing nothing. Frankly I'm quite bad at doing nothing. They don't call me a project horder for nothing. Even on days off there's often a to do list. Despite this the yoga pracise is now on hold apart from a bit of stretching and occasional restorative asanas. Not because I wanted to stop, but because I had to. I've had an awful cold for almost three weeks now and it's been going up and down like a rollercoaster and I fear the fact that I wasn't accepting the changed physical limits and pushed myself like I was invincible is what kept me under the weather. Now is the last stage of this cold, I can feel it. The final hill. Finally.

Now is also the last of the summer. You know when you're so close to reaching your goal and something gets in the way, something which is not an obstacle you can overcome... the disappointment can be great. I wasn't too far from that head stand I said I would do before the end of summer... when I caught this cold. I know I will be able to do sirsasana, but before summer is over? No certainty. I want to curse this stubborn cold, but what's the use...

Looking at sickess from a positive angle it is actually helpful to us. It can help us slow down and realize the importance of rest and recovery. Help us realize that we should be happy for each day that we and the ones around us are in good health, never taking it for granted. Also for you multi-taskers, doers and project horders like me... learn how to do nothing! This skill is easy to forget in the world we live in today. I'm not advising apathetically staring at walls here, what I'm talking about is actively chosing to not engage in any activity. To put things at hold to put yourself first. To recharge. To simply be and find your positive way of mind. Stop yourself if you hear yourself saying or even thinking I AM SICK. The sickness is NOT a part of you. Your immune system is not a rare mythical creature hiding far away (although the pharmacies would like you to believe otherwise). You got the ability to heal yourself always. Believe in it.

Another good thing about these passed weeks is that I've had a lot of time to plan for my new life as a student. So this term I'm happy to announce I will start my education in Digital Media in a little town near Göteborg!

That's about all I can give today. I don't know when I'll see you again, might be tomorrow, might be two more weeks... in any case I wish you luck on your journey.
Peace be with you.

Throw the children into the water!

This said the person who almost drowned:

I WON'T SET A FOOT IN THE  WATER EVER AGAIN UNTIL I HAVE LEARNED 
HOW TO SWIM!   

Sadly this kind of mentality is not a stranger to us and in society today. We expect ourselves to know certain things and when we're told we can't we just won't do it until we can.
How does that even..?
Yes, it makes no sense.

We don't throw little children who don't know how swim into deep waters yet we tend to do that to ourselves expecting great things at areas in which we have poor skills or no practise. When we wish to learn something new we must remember the children and the patience we show them. The small steps we allow them take. The gradual progress. The reward and praise we show them for every little movement forward.

Jake the dog of Adventure Time

Maybe you can remember a moment when patience was shown to you when you was little and new to the world. If you think about it you're still taking steps, but with greater expectations of yourself but also with the freedom of choosing your own path. So if you find you are in the mindset of "I won't until I can" in an area or skill you wish to master just patiently remind yourself that we don't have teleporters yet. You need to take those steps to get there. Make sure to see your own greatness and reward yourself for it.

How do you treat your friends when you know they are trying? Strangers who are newbies? Are you as harsh to them as you are to yourself? Why don't you cheer for yourself? How do you REWARD YOURSELF? If you don't have an answer for the last question it's time you start thinking about the things you want. The things you like. The things that make you feel good. So you can celebrate your own goodness.
The goodness is strong with This One.

The three lessons.

I went to two very different classes yesterday: Yin yoga in the morning at Drottning Victorias Vilohem in Borgholm and then Global yoga at Namayoga in Kalmar.

 What's Yin yoga? 
Yin means heaven or a force of expansion. A type of yoga based on the old Chinese Tao yoga. Through this yoga you work with your flexibility and endurance. You hold the asanas and for a few minutes as you focus on the breath, moving more and more into the position as you breathe out. The yin yoga puts emphasis on activating hips, pelvis and lower part of your spine. It's soft and meditative. You really listen to your body as you stretch.
The class I went to was short (ca 45 minutes) small and cozy. It doesn't feel like a workout, more like meditation in which the body sometimes gets involved. Nurturing and caring. The good thing about breakfast yoga was that us participants could stay in the mindset and discuss together after the class rather then rushing off into the rest of the day. I even stayed longer to reflect alone over a cup of tea, waiting out the summer rain.

 What's Global yoga? 
East meets West in a pretty new type of yoga by Swedish founder Johanna Andersson. What signifies this style is that it's a faster playful and energetic mix of different types of yoga from many of the corners of our globe, but it's made for the fast paced urban humans of our time in a society where the body doesn't move around as much as the brain does. So it's a lot of physical exercise intertwined with stillness of the mind. Every class has an "intention" - a message to reflect upon. You can also have a free intention which is you pay extra attention to something, like focussing on healing or bringing energy to a certain part of your body or soul. Here's global yoga's manifesto:

Yesterday's intention was 

"Have faith that everything you need will come to you." 

I've been to global yoga before at Ananda yoga studio. This time it was different. Since I still have some kind of infection I was sweating furiously and experiencing a major "setback". It was a 75 minute session, noone was a beginner and we were about 8 participants. Since it was the first time I was with a friend at yoga class I think my showoff side woke up and even though I heard my body saying no I didn't always listen. So today my knees are barely good for walking and I'm feverish and cold. At first it made me angry having to "surrender" to my physical limitations but I realized this was the third lesson of the day. One which I will never forget. An important lesson that I had to learn. The suffering is mostly of my own making for I wasn't humble enough to accept it yesterday. If it's a lesson you're ignoring the test will come to you over and over until you pass. 

Thank you dear body for your patience with me when I'm a stubborn child. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm sorry I hurt you. Thank you for teaching me to be humble. It was much needed. 

In our family it seems we're really good at getting passionate about things, always up to something, getting involved to the point where the rest of the world is seemingly forgotten. This is sometimes said to be characteristics of an artist which of course I was proud to have. We do need to get better at simply being without analyzing or thinking "what can I make out of this?" without wanting. Without judging. Without doing. Only breathing and accepting

this is me now

this is now

this is

it is

The lost sparks.

The conversations I have with my oldest sister. They're incredibly inspiring but at times tough. She always seems to say what I need to hear. The resistance I feel usually means that there's some truth in the remark. At times the sudden bright light can hurt the eyes, but eventually they adjust.

We have been discussing gender a lot. It's a topic that really gets me fired up at times. Heart pounding anger, bitterness and sadness for the injustice that is and has been. Thankfully meditation and yoga helps me to step away and view it from some distance. I think some of my bitterness is my own creation. The belief that I somehow would be limited by what society identifies me as. We created society, who should have the power but us? I am part of the society. I am one of the labellers. The more I open up to the fact that everything has more than one side and more than one truth the less limited I feel. The sex doesn't matter. The skin doesn't matter. The length or width of our bodies don't matter. The symmetry of your face is no matter.

What matters is ignorance. The knowledge that's somehow lost because of faulty education. The traditional echoes of the past are there most of the time not because people are idiots or intentionally mean, but because they just don't know better. We might think the teachers are our teachers but truth is we learn from the ones who raise us and we inherit their thoughts and beliefs to a large extent. We can change our minds, but not without first being aware of our "recorded" messages, that we're just repeating. We need to separate our own thoughts from things we've just picked up from others. We're often thinking of humans as intellectual. Sometimes I think that's our greatest flaw because it even makes us stupid as we tend to complicate things for ourselves.

What really matters is that we're not happy. Sometimes because we're victimizing ourselves and others. We're trying to change "us" or "them" with force instead of understanding and accepting. I'd like to simply emphasise our need to wake up and see the real issues. Don't get me wrong, I still want to fight the injustice and I still want equality, but I don't feel it's doing anyone good to be in constant fight mode. Sure it's energizing sometimes to just pour out your oh so important opinion but carrying anger is harmful in the long run. I'm asking myself what good has the rage brought onto the face of feminism? Don't waste your breath on angry monolgues for closed minds and ears. Pick your fights. Pick the ones that truly matter. If you feel that something is missing then find it! Something I missed in my childhood was a hero. Someone who I could look up to. I didn't think there was any woman out there to inspire me to greatness beyond appearance. I was too focussed on how little women were mentioned in history to see the ones that actually stood out despite everything. Now that my eyes are searching they seem to be everywhere. They're brilliant and they're filling me with hope... For the future generations. Not because women and men will be equal, but because they already are and we still have the chance to understand it. To lay down our swords and embrace eachother as the same. We're all from the same place and heading the same direction.

One of my greatest teachers, whom I've for a long time not accepted as a teacher (here it goes with the resistance again...) taught me my greatest lesson so far. We are creators. Of ourselves, our reality and the ripples of the universe around us. Even though little grains of sand can make rings on the surface we need to look beyond it. Beyond the labels. Beyond what eyes can see.

I saw a photo from a time where I was not yet on this earth. You both had a spark in your eyes. I saw another photo where I was in the picture and your spark was nolonger there. At first it made me sad, but now I'd like to think it wasn't lost. I'd like to think that me and my sisters are the same sparks in physical form. Born into this world from love, from passion and from the ultimate power of creativity. It is my honor to be a spark.  

Yoga stress - is it even possible?

Yesterday evening I tried a yoga dvd class (also from the library) to get more inspiration and learn new asanas (see previous post if you don't know what that is). It was a ashtanga vinyasa class of 90 minutes. I've attended real vinyasa classes before at Ananda yoga studio in Växjö, but this one was faster and more advanced... I was experiencing... yoga stress? I was already exhausted from the work, and needed to chill out, not break out in sweat!  I kept going but the after effect wasn't worth it. Uncomfortable body and mind.

So young yogi, what did you learn?
Well, first of all, it's important to listen to your body. It's obvious, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves. What I really needed, if I would have listened, was to meditate, do a few slow asanas and just stretch out.

It's easy to get stuck in a YOGASUPERKICKAS MODE which can be activated and motivated by beautiful people standing on their heads or performing a perfect lord of the dancers. IT'S GREAT TO HAVE INSPIRATION but don't forget that it took them time to get there. Don't stress it. Yoga to prevent stress, not build it. It's like sitting down with your favorite cup of tea (or chocolate, or coffe)... relax and enjoy it the way you want it. Don't be afraid to try something new. I won't do ashtanga vinyasa session again after work as relaxation, but on a day off? Sure.
Try, try, try again!

Haha, this picture... Paint has it's limits, but the mind? You decide!

It's up to you to get yourself where you want to be.

Are you a victim of circumstance or are you the creator?

I don't have time is not an excuse not to yoga. 

You can yoga anywhere for as long as you want!

I don't have the energy is not an excuse not to yoga.

When done right, yoga will give you more energy than you "spend". 

It's time to invest in yourself.