Bad at nothing?

So there's not been a word from me in a while. It's not because I'm doing nothing. Frankly I'm quite bad at doing nothing. They don't call me a project horder for nothing. Even on days off there's often a to do list. Despite this the yoga pracise is now on hold apart from a bit of stretching and occasional restorative asanas. Not because I wanted to stop, but because I had to. I've had an awful cold for almost three weeks now and it's been going up and down like a rollercoaster and I fear the fact that I wasn't accepting the changed physical limits and pushed myself like I was invincible is what kept me under the weather. Now is the last stage of this cold, I can feel it. The final hill. Finally.

Now is also the last of the summer. You know when you're so close to reaching your goal and something gets in the way, something which is not an obstacle you can overcome... the disappointment can be great. I wasn't too far from that head stand I said I would do before the end of summer... when I caught this cold. I know I will be able to do sirsasana, but before summer is over? No certainty. I want to curse this stubborn cold, but what's the use...

Looking at sickess from a positive angle it is actually helpful to us. It can help us slow down and realize the importance of rest and recovery. Help us realize that we should be happy for each day that we and the ones around us are in good health, never taking it for granted. Also for you multi-taskers, doers and project horders like me... learn how to do nothing! This skill is easy to forget in the world we live in today. I'm not advising apathetically staring at walls here, what I'm talking about is actively chosing to not engage in any activity. To put things at hold to put yourself first. To recharge. To simply be and find your positive way of mind. Stop yourself if you hear yourself saying or even thinking I AM SICK. The sickness is NOT a part of you. Your immune system is not a rare mythical creature hiding far away (although the pharmacies would like you to believe otherwise). You got the ability to heal yourself always. Believe in it.

Another good thing about these passed weeks is that I've had a lot of time to plan for my new life as a student. So this term I'm happy to announce I will start my education in Digital Media in a little town near Göteborg!

That's about all I can give today. I don't know when I'll see you again, might be tomorrow, might be two more weeks... in any case I wish you luck on your journey.
Peace be with you.

Live like you learn

It had been a while since I was last faced with a design related task. Design has always been like lover to me. The incredible passion that fills you with fun ideas and you just want to spend time together. Unfortunately we've kind of lost echother. It had become too destructive. I was giving, but not getting anything back, or rather, giving all I got to the point there was none of me left for me. Then yesterday we met again through the design application for Broby Grafiska which was due today. At once I remembered why I fell for design and why we fell apart. When you get stuck in a destructive relationship there are three different ways you can go:

1. You can go down with the ship.

2. You can leave the ship and either swim for your life or hold onto something else as you watch it sink before your eyes.

3. You can row it ashore and make it better then try again.

And if you can't decide which way to go 

then you can always go for the classic rock, paper, scissors....

(this picture is a detail from the application)

Since I've put a lot of work into this design passion, I'm not willing to let her sink. I'll have the number 3, please!

Since stress is commonly based on our way of handling different situations (or rather failing to do so) I assume I need to change my relationship toward design. If I look at what happens with me when I work with design it's pretty much the opposite of the outcome of yoga. The breath quickens and becomes shallow as if I had ran a marathon, the posture becomes slouchy and hopeless or locked into unnatural unbalanced tense positions for a long time. The perspective tends to change aswell. My own value goes down as the urgency to accomplish greatness goes up. This makes it easy to forget or ignore oneself and ones needs. You "don't have time" for breaks, although deep down you know you work better if you take them. 

The common denominators that can be found in yoga and working with design are that they are both about finding focus to be able to reflect, create, develop and perfect. To reach a higher place. Exceed imagination. Yet, the result for me are worlds apart, atleast when it comes to wellness.

The universe has it's way of bringing us exactly what we need. Although I managed the assignment I still failed myself. Just barely making the deadline, stressed, hungry, worn and still not satisfied with my performance. There were three ways I could look upon it. The same as above. So I decided to row it ashore and make it better... Remember how I said I wish I could bring what I feel on the yoga mat with me as I do other things? Here's some of the best of yoga that I wish to apply on my relationship to the design process:

THE MINDSET - EVERYTHING IS TRAINING

In yoga you're not demanding immediate perfection. Partially because you know it can always get better and because you know you're just a student in training. With this attitude you can be more patient with yourself and give it more time to strive upwards. You'll feel satisfied knowing that you're just doing you're best. 

THE STRATEGY - WISE TIME USE

Yoga is practised in sessions, gradually and smoothly working to reach your goal. The practise is daily and vary from being short reminders of mindfulness to one hour or longer sessions. Limiting your focus time ensures that you're not wearing yourself out, even though you take the time to challenge yourself. 

ONE MORE THING: DO WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DO IT

This is kind of a mantra for me. Yoga when you yoga. Find your space, piece of mind. Quiet as possible, or with music if it helps you relax. Everything I do on the yoga mat is yoga or meditation related. Prioritize yoga. No multitasking. No procrastination. No distractions. No excuses. 

The outcome of working with design related tasks, even though I love it, is so different because I've been doing the opposite. It will take a lot of practise. I've spent many hours building these destructive tendencies. You must know it is not a part of you. If you're aware you will notice the roots of your behaviour before you trip on them. 

She's a GOAL DIGGER.

Just like there is a song for everything there is an asana for every occasion. If you really want something you'll find a way. You'll find time. You'll find space.

Wake up. Yoga. Before work. Yoga. Before lunch. Yoga. After work. Yoga. Before dinner. Yoga. You're just in the mood for it. Yoga. Before sleep. Yoga.

I woke up to yoga and I came home to yoga. I will go to sleep with yoga.

The more you practise, the better you get. The better you get the more you'll want to do it. It's a positive upward spiral.

Finally set my yogi goals for the summer.

When this summer is over I will:

-Have integrated yoga into everyday life

-Have chosen yoga path to make my own

-Be able to do a headstand for atleast 10 seconds

-Be able to put my feet behind my ear

-Feel alright with the pigeon pose (eka pada rajakapotasana) 

Right now, apart from posture, I'm mostly focusing on breathing. That's where it all starts. In the breath. 

If you have the opportunity to feel anxious or afraid take a moment to study yourself. Has your breathing strayed? Is it racing away? I know this to be true almost without exception. If I'm stressed the breath is fast and unsteady. This is also a good measurement of your feelings. When you notice your breath is quickening without being physically active or experiencing positive excitement I would like to advise you to check yourself before you wreck yourself (yes, that's an IceCube reference). Where's your thoughts at? Just notice if it's positive or negative thoughts. If it's negative, leave them and focus on the breath. Slow it down. Feel how relaxation enters your body as you breathe in and stress and negativity leaves as you breathe out. By paying attention to your breath you will be able to control your emotions and see the "natural disasters" before they happen so you can hit the breaks. Usually works the other way when we're not aware.

To have a sentance or two as reminders also works well for me. When I get upset I remind myself to take responsibility for my feelings. They're up to me, not anyone else, even though it might seem so at times. 

Another thing to remember is that stress isn't bad. It's actually good for you. It's a built in mechanism to help you be alert and do your best. There's a good ted talk on the subject by psychologist Kelly McGonigal.

Speaking of stress... got up at 3:30 am to prepare for work. I had spoken to the oldest of my sister the day before who said "I bet it's really beautiful outside at that time". Sure, I thought. She was right though. I got to see the sunrise scenery on my way to work. Öland has never in my 25 years been this beautiful. I fell in love with the sky and felt truly blessed for getting this experience. Wahe Guru!

Ps. Didn't take a picture. But imagine an explosion of your favorite colors. Bham! The magic kind of dies when we take a picture. What's that old belief about preserving souls in photographs? Instagram...a graveyard?

Monkey mind - mindfulness refill, please!

Worn out. Got up early and did a few yoga moves. Then tried to invent a bicycle meditation on the way to work. The attitude was there, the physical energy too, but the mind adrift as it tends to do when one is mentally exhausted. If there's a parallell universe I was surely there today. In this universe everything was going right and in the real one where everyone else seemed to be... not so much. Some days are like that, especially for us dreamers with the imagination intense enough to be confused with reality. This makes it easier to fall back into old patterns like the clumsy, monkey minded girl whose thoughts are "jumping from tree to tree with no destination"... It's like this too with unwanted thoughts while meditating. They're usually only distractions without any deeper meaning. Echoes of another time. Sometimes we fall back into old ways of thinking, one doesn't simply change habits over a night.
It takes practise. Stay calm.
Forgive yourself. You are still learning.

You need focus for meditation. The mind goes elswhere? Take note, but don't take it in. Let go. Bring yourself back to the moment. Welcome yourself and be happy that you noticed and returned back into your body. Be patient. Determined. Repeat it as long as it takes. After a while the mind will learn its place is here with you. The present moment. I imagine it's something like breaking in a wild horse. There are different ways of doing it. I prefer a gentle way.

To avoid monkey mind you need set up goals and work to reach them. If it's to perform on a occasion then it's important to be as prepared as possible and always see the best outcome. Really imagine it with all senses. See yourself where you want to be. Then when the moment comes. Be there.

Tomorrow is my first 5 o clock (YES IN THE MORNING!) shift of three in a row. Bingo?
Determined to do it and do it well!
How to prepare?
- Pack the day before
- Sleep well
- Cleansing lemon water and morning yoga
- Cold shower, bring breakfast to work (no biking while digesting)
- Bicycle meditation
- Be on time. Do your best. Always.
DO WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DO IT

Already set up goals for work... and the yoga? Next time, Inspector Yogi... Next time.