Live like you learn

It had been a while since I was last faced with a design related task. Design has always been like lover to me. The incredible passion that fills you with fun ideas and you just want to spend time together. Unfortunately we've kind of lost echother. It had become too destructive. I was giving, but not getting anything back, or rather, giving all I got to the point there was none of me left for me. Then yesterday we met again through the design application for Broby Grafiska which was due today. At once I remembered why I fell for design and why we fell apart. When you get stuck in a destructive relationship there are three different ways you can go:

1. You can go down with the ship.

2. You can leave the ship and either swim for your life or hold onto something else as you watch it sink before your eyes.

3. You can row it ashore and make it better then try again.

And if you can't decide which way to go 

then you can always go for the classic rock, paper, scissors....

(this picture is a detail from the application)

Since I've put a lot of work into this design passion, I'm not willing to let her sink. I'll have the number 3, please!

Since stress is commonly based on our way of handling different situations (or rather failing to do so) I assume I need to change my relationship toward design. If I look at what happens with me when I work with design it's pretty much the opposite of the outcome of yoga. The breath quickens and becomes shallow as if I had ran a marathon, the posture becomes slouchy and hopeless or locked into unnatural unbalanced tense positions for a long time. The perspective tends to change aswell. My own value goes down as the urgency to accomplish greatness goes up. This makes it easy to forget or ignore oneself and ones needs. You "don't have time" for breaks, although deep down you know you work better if you take them. 

The common denominators that can be found in yoga and working with design are that they are both about finding focus to be able to reflect, create, develop and perfect. To reach a higher place. Exceed imagination. Yet, the result for me are worlds apart, atleast when it comes to wellness.

The universe has it's way of bringing us exactly what we need. Although I managed the assignment I still failed myself. Just barely making the deadline, stressed, hungry, worn and still not satisfied with my performance. There were three ways I could look upon it. The same as above. So I decided to row it ashore and make it better... Remember how I said I wish I could bring what I feel on the yoga mat with me as I do other things? Here's some of the best of yoga that I wish to apply on my relationship to the design process:

THE MINDSET - EVERYTHING IS TRAINING

In yoga you're not demanding immediate perfection. Partially because you know it can always get better and because you know you're just a student in training. With this attitude you can be more patient with yourself and give it more time to strive upwards. You'll feel satisfied knowing that you're just doing you're best. 

THE STRATEGY - WISE TIME USE

Yoga is practised in sessions, gradually and smoothly working to reach your goal. The practise is daily and vary from being short reminders of mindfulness to one hour or longer sessions. Limiting your focus time ensures that you're not wearing yourself out, even though you take the time to challenge yourself. 

ONE MORE THING: DO WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU DO IT

This is kind of a mantra for me. Yoga when you yoga. Find your space, piece of mind. Quiet as possible, or with music if it helps you relax. Everything I do on the yoga mat is yoga or meditation related. Prioritize yoga. No multitasking. No procrastination. No distractions. No excuses. 

The outcome of working with design related tasks, even though I love it, is so different because I've been doing the opposite. It will take a lot of practise. I've spent many hours building these destructive tendencies. You must know it is not a part of you. If you're aware you will notice the roots of your behaviour before you trip on them. 

The lost sparks.

The conversations I have with my oldest sister. They're incredibly inspiring but at times tough. She always seems to say what I need to hear. The resistance I feel usually means that there's some truth in the remark. At times the sudden bright light can hurt the eyes, but eventually they adjust.

We have been discussing gender a lot. It's a topic that really gets me fired up at times. Heart pounding anger, bitterness and sadness for the injustice that is and has been. Thankfully meditation and yoga helps me to step away and view it from some distance. I think some of my bitterness is my own creation. The belief that I somehow would be limited by what society identifies me as. We created society, who should have the power but us? I am part of the society. I am one of the labellers. The more I open up to the fact that everything has more than one side and more than one truth the less limited I feel. The sex doesn't matter. The skin doesn't matter. The length or width of our bodies don't matter. The symmetry of your face is no matter.

What matters is ignorance. The knowledge that's somehow lost because of faulty education. The traditional echoes of the past are there most of the time not because people are idiots or intentionally mean, but because they just don't know better. We might think the teachers are our teachers but truth is we learn from the ones who raise us and we inherit their thoughts and beliefs to a large extent. We can change our minds, but not without first being aware of our "recorded" messages, that we're just repeating. We need to separate our own thoughts from things we've just picked up from others. We're often thinking of humans as intellectual. Sometimes I think that's our greatest flaw because it even makes us stupid as we tend to complicate things for ourselves.

What really matters is that we're not happy. Sometimes because we're victimizing ourselves and others. We're trying to change "us" or "them" with force instead of understanding and accepting. I'd like to simply emphasise our need to wake up and see the real issues. Don't get me wrong, I still want to fight the injustice and I still want equality, but I don't feel it's doing anyone good to be in constant fight mode. Sure it's energizing sometimes to just pour out your oh so important opinion but carrying anger is harmful in the long run. I'm asking myself what good has the rage brought onto the face of feminism? Don't waste your breath on angry monolgues for closed minds and ears. Pick your fights. Pick the ones that truly matter. If you feel that something is missing then find it! Something I missed in my childhood was a hero. Someone who I could look up to. I didn't think there was any woman out there to inspire me to greatness beyond appearance. I was too focussed on how little women were mentioned in history to see the ones that actually stood out despite everything. Now that my eyes are searching they seem to be everywhere. They're brilliant and they're filling me with hope... For the future generations. Not because women and men will be equal, but because they already are and we still have the chance to understand it. To lay down our swords and embrace eachother as the same. We're all from the same place and heading the same direction.

One of my greatest teachers, whom I've for a long time not accepted as a teacher (here it goes with the resistance again...) taught me my greatest lesson so far. We are creators. Of ourselves, our reality and the ripples of the universe around us. Even though little grains of sand can make rings on the surface we need to look beyond it. Beyond the labels. Beyond what eyes can see.

I saw a photo from a time where I was not yet on this earth. You both had a spark in your eyes. I saw another photo where I was in the picture and your spark was nolonger there. At first it made me sad, but now I'd like to think it wasn't lost. I'd like to think that me and my sisters are the same sparks in physical form. Born into this world from love, from passion and from the ultimate power of creativity. It is my honor to be a spark.